i need help too

i need help too

hey guys, this is just a late night post to vent. its 2:10am and to be completely honest i know no one reads these, but it just makes me feel so much better. as i said before, i have depression and anxiety and other things related to that at the moment and tonight its getting to me. a lot. the first person i went to was my boyfriend. he's such an amazing boyfriend. he is supportive, encouraging and always knows how to make me smile and laugh. he is a great guy with so many brilliant qualities but sadly he is going through a lot of the same stuff that i am going through as well. but a lot worse than i. every night and every day i try my absolute hardest to help him get through everything and to help boost his mood and make him happy. i push a lot of my issues away to help him. if im having a bad night and he says to me he is, i will push mine to the side and talk to him about his and help him. he asks me to talk to him as a distraction to him from his thoughts and what he wants to do to himself. tonight i needed someone to talk to. so i went to him. as soon as i asked for help and for him to talk to me he said he couldn't and to be honest it hurt a lot. it only hurt because i put everything aside to help him. i somehow forgot about mine and started talking to him and helping him. every time i ask for help or a distraction its always pushed to the side again. i need help and i need to talk to someone and he is the only person i have in my life right now as i have lost all my friends and drifted from my family. i don't know what to do because all i want to do is help him but at the same time i want to talk to him about all my issues as well but i know that if i do it will make him feel like shit and will put him in a bad state. he complains that i don't tell him anything but that is the reason why because i don't want to put all the stress onto him and also because it always gets pushed to the side. i need help too.