i need help too

i need help too

hey guys, this is just a late night post to vent. its 2:10am and to be completely honest i know no one reads these, but it just makes me feel so much better. as i said before, i have depression and anxiety and other things related to that at the moment and tonight its getting to me. a lot. the first person i went to was my boyfriend. he's such an amazing boyfriend. he is supportive, encouraging and always knows how to make me smile and laugh. he is a great guy with so many brilliant qualities but sadly he is going through a lot of the same stuff that i am going through as well. but a lot worse than i. every night and every day i try my absolute hardest to help him get through everything and to help boost his mood and make him happy. i push a lot of my issues away to help him. if im having a bad night and he says to me he is, i will push mine to the side and talk to him about his and help him. he asks me to talk to him as a distraction to him from his thoughts and what he wants to do to himself. tonight i needed someone to talk to. so i went to him. as soon as i asked for help and for him to talk to me he said he couldn't and to be honest it hurt a lot. it only hurt because i put everything aside to help him. i somehow forgot about mine and started talking to him and helping him. every time i ask for help or a distraction its always pushed to the side again. i need help and i need to talk to someone and he is the only person i have in my life right now as i have lost all my friends and drifted from my family. i don't know what to do because all i want to do is help him but at the same time i want to talk to him about all my issues as well but i know that if i do it will make him feel like shit and will put him in a bad state. he complains that i don't tell him anything but that is the reason why because i don't want to put all the stress onto him and also because it always gets pushed to the side. i need help too.

an overview about me

an overview about me

well there isn't much to say about me. im your average teenage girl, im 15 and am a girl who fangirls over bands, has to go through the pain of going to school each day and loves sleep. im a girl who is madly in love with a guy and falls for him deeper and deeper every day. although there is a slight problem that holds me back from a lot of normal activities in an average teenagers life. depression. depression and anxiety get in the way of a number of things in my life. im currently studying year 10 in high school and have a rather good bond with most of the teachers and am well known around the place as i am a singer at the school. since year 8, teachers and students have known me as that bright, bubbly brave girl who performs in front of the whole school without any worries and has a continuous smile every day. well that young year 8 girl has slightly changed. i battle every day out, putting on a smile, laughing when i need too and hoping that the next day will be better. but it gets harder.  

its currently the last couple of days left in the school holidays and school starts back soon, so i decided to create this blog as a place i can appear anonymously and let my mind empty out over my laptop and de-stress myself. hope you don't mind.

thanks, anonymous x